Why Not Vodka? Why not ask other silly questions like, “Why listen to music?” “Why have sex?” or “Why be happy?” Some things in life are just a given and the Not Vodka brand is one of them. If you reeeeally need us to list why our stuff is awesome, too bad. Just kidding. We think we’re a good choice because the vision for our product is not simply to get liquids from a bottle to your belly, but it’s also to inspire connection, creativity, self expression, charitable acts and smiles. Lots n lots of smiles. Hmmm, maybe we should sell teeth whitener to go with our bottles?!
+Who are you helping?
Considering the butterfly effect? Well, everyone everywhere, but some of our favs to think about are: baby otters, kids named after ice cream flavors, adults who wear glitter and believe in unicorns and Vonda at Rubios in Arcadia. More specifically, we support The Thirst Project, which empowers students to start campaigns which help end the global water crisis and Code Red, which gets water to those in need during the summer months in Phoenix.
+What is my bottle capable of?
Besides a double back handspring when the right code word is said in a New Zealand accent? Well, with our latest copper lined technology, it will keep your cold liquids cold for 28 hours, keep your hot liquids hot for 12 hours and keep your fizzy liquids fizzy until they’re not fizzy anymore. BOOM, mutha fu*ka!
+Where can I not put my bottle?
In a microwave oven, an oven oven (not a typo), a dishwasher, a freezer, or any place it won’t have human contact for over 24 hours. It loves attention and gets sad when left alone for long periods of time.
+What types of drinks should I put in my bottle?
We’re not your mom, figure it out.
+How do I clean my bottle?
Light some candles and, while listening to soothing, relaxing music, gently and lovingly clean your bottle with dish soap and water. Not Vodka is not responsible for “other” messes incurred during this process. Also, dishwashers are called that for a reason, they’re DISH washers. Your bottle is a bottle, not a dish. Technically, they’re not even in the same family. Also, we make stuff up sometimes.
+How do I clean myself?
You’re getting too personal, here.
+Is my bottle BPA BPS and Toxin Free?
Yes, it is. Are you BPA BPS and Toxin Free?? Something to consider…
+Does my bottle contain any sort of liner?
Yes, our bottles consist of a double wall stainless vacuum with copper lining in-between and a threaded insulated copper lid. Copper, with its very high thermal and electrical conductivity, does a jolly good job at keeping hot liquids hot and cold liquids cold.
+How do I store my bottle?
What’s this “storing" nonsense you’re talking about?? Your bottle goes with you all the time everywhere! That’s how you’ll stay properly hydrated and socially popular.
+Will my bottle sweat?
Only if it’s asked rapid fire questions for 10 minutes straight by a middle aged scientist named Albert. Otherwise, totally no.
+Should I be sweating right now?
Only if your name is Albert.
+Where is my bottle made?
In China, by fairly compensated, healthy, happy adults. Get your mind out of the sweatshop gutter!
+Can my bottle make it through airport security?
Yes, if it’s empty and you’re not swinging it around maniacally like a baseball bat with a crazy look in your eyes.
+What is the return policy?
Unused within 30 days or if there’s a production defect. How will we know if it’s been used? Oh, we’ll know… Trust us, we’ll know.
+Where do we ship?
Almost anywhere and everywhere. We ship internationally to 60+ countries!
+How much is shipping?
It depends on how crazy obsessed you are with our bottles thus how many you order and where you’re located. Add your favorite items to cart and it'll show you the pricing.
+How long does my order take to ship?
During the week, we ship within 24 hours of your order being placed. Orders placed on the weekend ship on Monday. How long it takes once we send it depends on the efficiency of the delivery service, where you are located in the US, the status of the ozone layer and several other uncontrollable variables, so we can only guesstimate when it will arrive. Typically, it takes 2-3 days. Is it possible your order wouldn’t ship when we say it will? It is possible, though very unlikely. If this happens, we will send you a picture of a very, very cute puppy (or adorable animal of your choice) to keep you happy while you wait. We’re glad you appreciate our honesty and we think we’ll keep you around for a very long time.
+Have you ever been on a ship?
We have been on a ship and the bottles have, too. Very adventurous, we are.
+What carriers do we use?
USPS, Fedex or Pigeons - we don't discriminate.
+Customs Duties and Other Fees.
Please note that shipping charges do not include taxes or duty. The customer is solely responsible for any customs, duties, foreign taxes or other fees that his/her country may impose to take delivery of his/her order. Any abandoned packages are at the responsibility of the customer. In order to comply with export regulations, we are required by U.S. law to declare the exact value of all items ordered and to mark them as dutiable "merchandise." Declaring less than the true value is both a violation of American law and the laws of most other countries. In addition, we could lose the right to export to your country should it ever be discovered that we were misrepresenting the value. Because we are a retailer, we are prohibited by law from marking your order as "gift," even if the order is intended as a gift by its recipient. Call your local customs office for details about these charges.